If you are considering divorce but thinking twice because of all that you have to lose, there is hope that you can live without your mate and still be friends. Many people stay in relationships for fear of the way that it will end. Likewise, those who are going through a divorce may be having a hard time finding a way to end it civilly. The problem is that many couples have shared responsibilities like children and family, that will tie them together forever. If you want to avoid a lifetime of strife with your ex, or staying with someone forever for fear of it, then you have to find a way to end it amicably. If you are able to put your personal feelings aside and consider it more of a business deal until it is over, you can make it through without completely disliking one another.
Just because two people aren’t meant to live together, that doesn’t mean that you have to hate one another. When we think about divorce we often get the wrong impression that two people have to really hate each other. There are times when people still like, or even love each other but aren’t able to live together. In those cases, it is possible to split your things, and your life, and maintain your love. If you follow these rules you are more likely to be able to maintain some level of friendship:
Let go of your baggage
If you have decided you just don’t want to be with this person, or they don’t want to be with you, that is the end of it. That is it. You have to let go. By holding on to baggage, or not letting go of the past, you are not going to bring it back. If you hold onto animosity, regardless of why, the only person you are hurting is yourself. By letting go of the past you are allowing yourself to move forward. If you attempt to get back at your ex through trying to get things in the divorce to hurt them, most likely you are hurting yourself, and your family, in the process. Is it really worth it? If you think positively and realize that there is happiness in your future, once you get this all behind you, you can probably come to terms with finding a resolution to your problems without anger, or vengeance in mind.
If he wants something that isn’t important to you, let him have it. If something was hers going into the marriage, let her have it. Holding onto things is a great way to build animosity and hatred. Being fair means giving in once in a while. If something is more important to them than it is to you, why fight it. When you play divorce like a chess game you are assuming someone wins and someone loses, but the reality is that everyone loses. If you are tying up the ending fighting over something that you don’t really care all that much about, be fair. If it was theirs, give it to them. If you are fair, they most likely will be fair. If they aren’t, at least you can walk away without a fight and your head held high. Taking the high road involves being fair and not holding onto things that mean nothing to you, or not as much to you as it does to them.
Remember who your lawyer is
Your lawyer is going to pretend to be your friend. They may actually be your friend, but their real job is to win. Your lawyer is saying they are looking out for you, but if they are pushing you to go for more than you know is fair, or things that you don’t care about, they aren’t doing you any favors. Your lawyer is not your friend as much as your hired gun. In the end, the more you get out of the divorce, the more they get. Don’t allow them to get you all revved up. When you stop communicating with your Ex and turn it over to the attorneys, things can get more messed up and personal. Make sure to always be involved in the decisions and remember that your lawyer is going to win when you win.
Remember what you used to be
There was a time when you loved one another. Sure, a lot has gone on in between, but try to remember the things that you used to like about your ex to get through the divorce. You don’t have to remember him as your prince charming, but remembering a time when you shared love and experiences together that will bind you forever, may help get your through the rough parts without hating each other.